1. If you think you have 3 hours to yourself, your
child will have a meltdown at school and have to come home early.
2. If your oldest is a sensory seeker, your
youngest will be a sensory avoider.
3. If you dress your child in a button down shirt
for pictures, they will eat the buttons before you get to the photographer.
4. If your child will eat spaghetti it at the OT’s
office, he still won’t eat it at home.
5. If you say ‘Don’t play in the hose’, your child
will flood the bathroom.
6. If you put your child to bed early, he will be
up until midnight playing Legos.
7. If you put your child’s shoes on to leave the
house in a hurry, he will take them off before you even find your purse.
8. If you wear a white shirt, your child will get a
bloody nose.
9. If you ask your child to use the restroom before
leaving the house, he will still have an accident on the way to the park.
10. If you clean up the hotwheels cars lined up on
the staircase, your child will have an hour long meltdown that you messed up
the ‘race’.
11.
If you convince your child’s teacher to allow
your child a fidget toy, she’ll go on maternity leave.
12.
If you make a detailed visual schedule for your
child’s first birthday party, the party plans will change.
13.
If you take the day off of work to attend your
child’s fieldtrip, they’ll change the date.
14.
If you have time to take a shower today, your
child will dump out the bean tub, empty the shaving cream cans and draw in
Sharpie marker all over his walls to make sure you don’t get to shower tomorrow.
15.
If you clean your child’s room, he will insist
it now feels ‘too big’.
16.
If you make your child’s bed, he will insist on
sleeping on the ground.
17.
If you wash your child’s favorite stuffed animal
or blanket, he will have a meltdown because it doesn’t smell right.
18.
If you make a special holiday dinner, your child
won’t come downstairs because of the smell.
19.
If you hire a babysitter, your child will start
to throw up the moment you’re wearing heels.
20.
If you buy anything with High Fructose Corn
Syrup, fake dye, or allergens of any sort, your child will find it – and eat
ALL OF IT.
