Perpetual Whack-A-Mole

I had a relatively emergency meeting with Seattle Children's Autism today.

We only needed to adjust meds.

I am still anxious from it, and it went perfectly. Dr. Stobbe is always helpful, reassuring and never leaves me without verifying I know EXACTLY what I am doing until I see him again.

*sigh*

Nice to have some one leading. But scary to actually list one-by-one the challenges we are facing. They seem so daunting when you see them in black and white.

But, all in all it was great. Including a meal with just Gabriel, Jeff and I at a real restaurant (NOT fast food); a first in MANY years.

Now, I am focused on my IEP meeting tomorrow.

Why does that cause so much anxiety? I have no idea, but yet each time I am floored by the fact that it does.

This time, however, we are entering out first ever *autism* based IEP.

Before he only qualified for speech, which he does very much need, but that was it. With a diagnosis of Sensory Processing Disorder only, he didn't get services.

Although our school has always been ridiculously helpful in giving him any accommodations he has needed--IEP or not.

That said,

I feel a mess tonight.

It is just the anticipation of hearing what they will (or will not) be offering him. I feel so vulnerable, like they are in control, and I have no real say. I'm just a little controling. Just a little.

My mind keeps going--

What if? What if?

I have to stop playing that game and have faith in the fact that they have gone out of their way to help him every single day he has been in thier school.

They are doing that NOW.

That isn't going to change. That should just get better.

But, against all logic, I am concerned.

Probably because this week has been full already--

In addition to the apt today, my hubby and I went to meet his new "MBA Team" on Tuesday evening at a cocktail party full of newlyweds and empty-nesters who are all going to school to get their MBA. Jeff is one of them.

It was great to be alone, to laugh, and be social.

Yet, hearing the guy on the mic say that we should anticipate "20-25 hours a week" of work on this made my heart sink...just a little.

One woman on my hubby's new "team" actually said to me, "You seem like you can do it without him."

I laughed and said, "My life keeps running at full speed whether he is there or not--it isn't exactly a choice."

True statement.

I sent this via twitter earlier, so if you are one of my 100 followers (THANK YOU!), you have already heard it, but I truly feel like raising a kid like mine is a perpetual game of Whack-A-Mole.

You know, it is like you are always swinging at what pops up next. No joke, huh?

For me, I am swinging at new labels, academic challenges, behavioral issues, social problems .... it is like a new one pops up all the time.

As unexpected as the Whack-A-Mole varmints.

Although you'd think your reflexes would improve with practice, they don't seem to. Not in mommy-hood. Not in Whack-A-Mole.

Yet, the same level of intensity (on a different scale mind you) and the same rules of engagement are required for both parenting a child with Autism and playing Whack-A-Mole.

Keep on your toes:

Don't blink:

Be hyper vigilant:

When you see it--strike--fast:

Repeat.

Today I don't feel like I can swing that plastic hammer any faster or any harder, yet those damn moles keep on comin'.

Which brings me to the fact that I haven't made dinner. And you all know it isn't going to make itself, now is it? LOL

Keep your hammer at the ready,

H

And the photo above is Gabriel in his new Soft Tee--win yours here.