Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

I’ll be honest, this is probably the first thing in my life I have written and didn’t know where to start - or end. So, I figure, go with what you know – be honest, straightforward, and do your best to find the humor. Here goes.

I’m getting divorced.

Yeah, not a real shock if you think about it. Three kids – two with special needs – one with perhaps more significant special needs, and the third? Arguably special needs – what with attention and sensory issues plus giftedness. Yeah. That’s easy on a marriage.

I know what you are thinking: But Hartley, you seemed so happy!

Ok, but it wasn't like I was going to write about all of the bad things going on.  Not the focus I want my blog - nor my life - to have.  Now this is where you ask, Why are you getting divorced?

The simple answer is: We want different things.

What those things are *exactly* is probably a gray area, but sufficed to say, we are no longer living together. And won’t be again. Unless fate is evil and cruel. Then, perhaps it will happen. But my money is on NO.  Yours should be too.  And if you don't believe me, Nick has read the kid's "My Family is Changing" book I bought enough times that he can recite the passage on "Divorce is usually forever" to you if that helps.

I don’t want any of you to worry about me. I know some of you will, and support is always appreciated (I am clear on my need for that!), but I also want you to know that I am a veteran at going through the grieving process. VET-RAN.  "Been there, done that", is an extreme understatement.

I’ll do this. And do it well.

So for the time being, consider HLW3B open for business! I’ll need the outlet, and you’ll need the laughs (and it won’t be bitter crazy-divorced girl ramblings all of the time).

So hang tight friends – we are in for a bumpy ride!

Oh, and in the mean time if you’d like to donate to my legal fees or set me up with a hot-man-who-loves-special-needs-kids-and-doing-laundry then send me an email! :)

Two steps forward, one step back. Right?

H


25 comments:

John and Allie Fields said...

Big hugs to you Hartley. I think it's safe to say that all of your readers are here to support you and be with you every step of the way.

On a super duper positive note, I got Sensational Journey's in the mail Saturday. It's beautiful! Thank you for allowing me to be a part of it!

Lisa Quinones Fontanez said...

Sending you virtual {HUGS}!
I am certain you and your family will get through this. And you know you have all of our support.

Mamma2boys said...

So sorry things are going this way for you! Big HUGS from Chicago! You will have my support as you have to balance kids' needs with your needs! Hopefully you and the kids' dad can work things out somewhat peacefully!

Jaimee said...

Oh Hartley. I'm so sorry to hear this. Big, big hugs to you and positive thoughts that all proceeds smoothly for everyone! Chin up!!

Hartley said...

Thank you ladies for your words of support - they are truly appreciated! :)

Hartley

Patty O. said...

Wow, Hartley, I'm really sorry, but it sounds like this is what's for the best. Still, it sure cannot be easy! I wish there was something I could do. My default for these types of things is to ply my friends with fattening food, but that hasn't worked very well for me (hence the major weight gain). Anyway, if you need anything, please let me know. You can vent anytime.

And I am glad you're back to blogging! I missed reading your posts!

Yvette said...

I'm sorry you are walking through this, but appreciate your determination to do it well. Praying for grace, wisdom and peace for each one of you.

Amy @ Anktangle said...

I'm sorry to hear that, Hartley! Take good care.

Mom2LittleMiss said...

Oh, Hartley. I'm so sorry for your news. Of course, you know that we're gonna be here for you and we'll do whatever we can to send strength and friendship. You are a brave and intelligent woman and I know you're gonna make it through this!

Ellie said...

I'm so sorry you and your kids are going through this. From experience I will say, divorces suck!

I too am glad you are blogging again though, and I am halfway through Sensational Journeys--I love it! Thank you for all you do! Take care of yourself now, and hang in there!

Lindsay Bartholomew said...

sending hugs and a virtual glass of wine. It is an rocky and painful road that I have traveled as well. There will be a lot of ups and downs but in the end I was a better person and better mother. I am sure this will serve true for you as well!
So nice to have your blog up and running, I truly enjoy your posts.
Lots of love,
Lindsay

KDL said...

Sorry to hear this news, Hartley. We have some close friends on a similar path and it keeps reminding me to not take what I have for granted...I hope you will find all of the support and resources you need. Whatever I can do as a reader and fellow blogger, I'm here.

Kristin said...

Regardless if something is right, that doesn't always mean that it is easy... so please know that I am here for you 150% and my thoughts are with you all as your lives make alot of changes.

And like Allie, I'd like to leave a SUPER positive note as well, I received copy of Sensational Journey's on Saturday and literally finished it by Sunday morning. Thank you so much for including me and my family in your book... it is an amazing journey and I never thought I'd say this, but I wouldn't change it for the world... Thank you!!!

Domenica said...

I want to say...I'm so sorry...but I'm hoping this is a positive change for your future. Grieving the loss of a marriage and the future you had planned with your spouse sucks....but let this open the doors to a happier life. Letting go of my marriage was the best thing that happened to me and my children and I hope you go through that same experience. And it's possible to find love again....a better love....I have a wonderfully supportive partner and a 2 week old baby girl to prove that life gets better!

Heather said...

My thoughts are with you Hartley.

Alice said...

Sending love and thinking of you all. xxx

Evie, Topher, Ally's Mommy said...

I am so sorry to hear that. Although after what my husband and I have gone through the last 3 years I am amazed were still together. I wish nothing but the best for you and your boys.

mommy~dearest said...

Hugs from over here too!

mommy~dearest said...

Hugs from over here too!

Marita said...

Sending hugs, prayers and chocolate.

You sound so pragmatic & calmly positive in this post, but I'm sure it is not always that way.

Hartley said...

THANK YOU all for commenting! The process is hard, and you all probably know, grieving sucks (no matter how many times you do it), so the support is appreciated! Yes, this is the right thing for everyone, but what I would't do to be able to fast forward through the process. lol

Hartley

Rosemary said...

I can say - as some of your other commenters have - that divorce sucks, and I can say it from first-hand knowledge. It sucks for you. It sucks for your kids, special needs or otherwise (I've got both). My own divorce started in 2008 and is now a fact of our lives. But I can tell you, also from experience, that life on the other side is - well, there's something good about it. In the last 3 years, I've taken control of my finances, my home, my health and my life. I've found marvelous new friends, for me and for my kids. I've found myself again. So big big hugs to you ... and hope, too. Because you can do this, and in the end it will be okay, for all of you.

ShesAlwaysWrite said...

Not sure how I missed this when it first posted (guess I was busy throwing up again?)... so sorry things are rough for you, sending giant hugs your way.

Sasha said...

Big hugs! So sorry to hear your news! I can agree that raising kids with special needs can be tough on a marriage. I'll be thinking of you and the boys and hoping things are going well for you.

Gina @ Special Happens said...

I'm so proud of you. You're brave and looking at challenges head on, tightening your strong shoulders and moving forward. I'm sorry it's come to this. I'm sorry for the hard times that surely will be around every corner. And though I may seem so far away at times, I do want you to know I'll will be thinking of you and sending strength-waves your way!