Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

I have started dating someone recently, and along with the awesomeness of having a man in my life who adores my boys (quirks and all), he has DAUGHTERS!!  Yes, daughters, as in PLURAL little girls.  Squee!  For those of you who have followed this blog from the beginning (really, are there any of you out there still?), you’d know that I have always wanted a daughter, not suggesting I am not totally satisfied (and fully overwhelmed) by my boys, but I have always had an emotional attraction to having a daughter.

Now I have two-psuedo-daughters, both are 5 years old (‘Irish Twins’ – 10.5 months apart) who are not only physically beautiful, but funny, smart, sassy and genuinely great to be around.  What could be better than that?  I’ll tell you… :-)

There are small sandals adorned with flowers, coloring books with kitties and ladybugs, purple hair bands, pink barrettes, and drawings of me as a ‘Queen’ scattered about my house for the first time.  Which warms my heart and soul in a new way.

We’ve all heard what girls are made of, you know, ‘sugar and spice and everything nice’, well, I’ve also learned some girl-lessons along this journey so far, and so I thought I’d give a long-over-due shout out to all of you GIRL MOMS who I don’t enough air time to here on HLW3B – turns out there are some twists to having girls I hadn’t anticipated (damn reality! Lol) – and I could use some insight from you all.

Things I’ve Learned From Being an Honorary Girl Mom:

1.       Little girls have way too many shoes.  Those flower adorned shoes are seriously cute, but it turns out that once they leave their neatly lined up place in the Nordstrom shoe department, and end up on your living room floor, they lose their charm.  Picking up 5,467,343 shoes is a pain in the ass – no matter how cute the shoes are.  *NOTE - This is not a rule that applies to adults (aka Moms), because we pick up our own shoes and put them in the closet. 

2.       Little girls have lots of hair.  Yes, we all know that boys and girls can both have long hair, but my two darling pseudo-daughters both have long, dark, thick, albeit gorgeous, hair (I’m a tad jealous to be honest….).  And all hair has to be washed.  Do you have ANY idea the time commitment involved in washing, conditioning, detangling, brushing, drying and ‘styling’ (yes, even before bed) that much hair?!  I’m gonna have to learn to braid….seriously.

3.       Little girls have attitude.  You aren’t surprised, I know.  And mostly neither am I.  However, where my boys argue to a fault (damn high IQ), have ‘selective hearing’ at times, and can be downright defiant, little girls have a different kind of sass – an attitude that no matter their words, implies that whatever you are saying or doing so insanely stupid, wrong, or just ‘uncool’ that you can’t help but second guess yourself – even as an adult.  It’s no wonder girls have social issues starting so young these days!

4.       Little girls cry pitifully.  When my boys cry, they cry.  They are sad, with big crocodile tears, and no concern whatsoever for appearance, location, or where they wipe their wet snot – which usually is everywhere as they run through the house hopping on one foot yelling “OW! OW! OW!” as I chase them begging them to stop and tell me what’s wrong.  Little girls on the other hand seem to have an awareness when they are crying that demands attention.  They without fail will come find you, crawl in your lap, give the best pouty-lipped-puppy-dog-eyes they can, and find a way to steal your heart over the smallest of small scrapes.  I am now fully aware of how little girls wrap their daddies around their little fingers…

5.       Little girls have drama.  I’ve heard the term ‘Drama Queen’ before, and I understand it as it applies to adults.  Yet, I had no idea that little girls could be so dramatic!  Hair flipping, stomping, hands on the hips, and a full blow production all the way upstairs just simply because they left the doll’s right shoe somewhere and have to look for it.  I’m not gonna lie, I find this wonderful.

6.       Little girls are sensitive.  My boys are sensitive – not just physically with sensory issues – but emotional, empathetic and loving.  But I’ve noticed that girls are sensitive in a quiet internal way, like they are taking in the emotions of those around them, trying to please everyone, and if they get in trouble, it is incredibly hard for them to process that they let someone down.  This has given me insight into how some women grow into pleasers as adults.  Interesting.

7.       Little girls know how to work being the ‘baby’.  Now I know that I let my youngest Matthew get away with way more than I should, and everyone knows it, but I have never seen anyone be able to work the ‘I’m the baby’ card better than a little girl.  Whether that is avoiding something (chores) or getting something (another piece of cake), there is something in a little girl that knows how to work the adults and other kids around, so with a sweet and sly smile, and a bat of her eyes she gets what she wants.  I’m starting to wish I was the baby in the family. 

8.       Little girls like glitter.  Apparently there is an unwritten rule somewhere that states everything little girls wear should have glitter.  And lots of it.  There is glitter in the dryer lint trap, and on the carpet, and on my pillow, and in between the couch cushions, and even on the dog.  It might make me hate glitter for the rest of my life.  Truly.

9.       Little girls like princess stuff.  What is up with the princess thing?  I was so adamantly against it before I had kids, and honestly don’t get it since I have boys, but it seems that this princess thing is a huge gig for girls.  I’m not sure I will be able to get on board with the idea that we all must wear clothing, crowns, jewelry, or whatever that announces to the world we are princesses.  I am, however, happy to see new movies (even Disney ones like BRAVE) coming out where the princesses aren’t waiting to be saved.  Thank god even princesses are moving into the twenty-first century.

10.   Little girls give great hugs.  There is something about how my boys hug me, a place in my heart and soul that connects with theirs when their little arms close around me, squeeze me tightly and quickly, and then wait in my embrace as it settles into their bodies – the feeling that they are loved and comforted.  There is nothing in this world that could be better.  When the girls hug me, they do it differently, yet it is equally amazing and moving.  Little girls hug with their entire being, they move their whole body next to yours, smile ear to ear, burry their head in your shoulder (or belly), and squish you in a way that tells you how much you are loved – you have to hold on tightly to them, and bring them back in close, so you get the chance to hug them back, and impress upon them how much they are loved.  Magical.

What other things are unique about parenting a girl?  Leave a comment and help me out! :-)  -H


Lindsay Bartholomew said...

I only have 1 child and she is a girl so I don't know about boys! We have lots of shoes, clothes, glitter and DRAMA for sure- add a sprinkle of special needs and WATCH OUT! So glad you found someone that loves you and the boys (and quirks!).

Chynna said...

I think I checked off everything on that list. (The hair thing is so true. My two older girls have hair down to their butts -- beautiful, thick, strawberry blonde. But MAN! It takes forever to dry and I still have to chase Jaimie around to brush it properly. LOL) I have THREE girls and one boy. I SO 'get' this. LOL!

You know what else girls are? MUCH more subtle with the bullying. Boys don't mess around. They fight straight out. Girls? Well, they like to play Devil's Advocate, throw the spoon in there, stir things up then stand back and go, "What? I didn't do anything!" Jordy is the QUEEN. LOL! Have fun, my friend.


Floortime Lite Mama said...

hartley I am SOOO full of joy for you

Patty O. said...

Totally true. My mom has always said that raising girls is harder than boys, in a lot of ways. I think it's about equal, but the challenges are definitely different!

Springingtiger said...

My daughter's an Aspie like me, she was never a princess person. However my granddaughters are princesses and huggers although the older sometimes forgets and behaves more like her mother and me.

Marita said...

I've got two little girls and I'm laughing reading this list. Little girls love love glitter :D Mine emptied a giant pot of glitter bigger than their heads all over themselves and visiting friend, apparently it was fairy dust.

Kathleen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kathleen said...

My step-daughter was almost 10 when I started coming over every night to be part of the evening routine. She was the only child in the house and was used to getting a LOT of attention from the 3 other adults. Wanting children desperately, I jumped in with both feet and became her primary female care-giver. It was a choice I'd make every time, given the chance. She's 27 now and a wonderful person who I love dearly, but there were times during pre-teen and teenage years that I wanted to drop her at the nearest bus stop. I didn't have kids of my own yet and didn't know how to manage my temper or take a step back and let daddy handle things his way. I kept insisting that I was loving her and disciplining her the same as I would my own daughter. I now have a 9 year old and can attest to the truth of this. However, at some point along the way (too late to save us both from some very difficult years), I learned that my way wasn't the best way despite having the best of intentions. Daddy's way was often better. I dug in my heals when I didn't have to. I took offense when I didn't have to. I corrected when I didn't have to, and I accepted responsibility when I didn't have to. Had I been a bit more flexible with my expectations, then I could have avoided some horrible and emotionally draining shouting matches and subsequent make-up sessions (equally draining emotionally). I did lots of things right, but I made a ton of mistakes that I won't make with my own little girl.

My step-daughter credits me with teaching her to read (among other very generous credits), but I will always bear the guilt that she was my poor little guinea pig who suffered the mistakes of a new and very naive mom. She is a very well-adjusted adult and every bit as tough and generous as her father. She is studying to be a doctor despite her dyslexia. I am overjoyed at her success and her good influence on her brother and sister (ages 6 and 9). It was a tough road for both of us, but we got through it as well as any ordinary mom does with her own daughter, I suppose.

Good luck, my friend. Girls are wonderful and expressive creatures with territorial expectations and attitudes to achieve whatever they desire. You won't be disappointed!


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Marsupial Mama said...

Oooh I love this post!! And I don't get the thing with princesses either! I loved reading all your points, so so true every one!! (Although my daughter is only two, so I'm hoping we'll get let off the hook with the princess thing!)

The Bright Side of Life said...

Sounds so lovely, I have always dreamed of having a girl, although it wasn't to be!

Tammy said...

I have one of each, and yes, my daughter has way too many shoes.