1. If you think you have 3 hours to yourself, your child will have a meltdown at school and have to come home early.
2. If your oldest is a sensory seeker, your youngest will be a sensory avoider.
3. If you dress your child in a button down shirt for pictures, they will eat the buttons before you get to the photographer.
4. If your child will eat spaghetti it at the OT’s office, he still won’t eat it at home.
5. If you say ‘Don’t play in the hose’, your child will flood the bathroom.
6. If you put your child to bed early, he will be up until midnight playing Legos.
7. If you put your child’s shoes on to leave the house in a hurry, he will take them off before you even find your purse.
8. If you wear a white shirt, your child will get a bloody nose.
9. If you ask your child to use the restroom before leaving the house, he will still have an accident on the way to the park.
10. If you clean up the hotwheels cars lined up on the staircase, your child will have an hour long meltdown that you messed up the ‘race’.
11. If you convince your child’s teacher to allow your child a fidget toy, she’ll go on maternity leave.
12. If you make a detailed visual schedule for your child’s first birthday party, the party plans will change.
13. If you take the day off of work to attend your child’s fieldtrip, they’ll change the date.
14. If you have time to take a shower today, your child will dump out the bean tub, empty the shaving cream cans and draw in Sharpie marker all over his walls to make sure you don’t get to shower tomorrow.
15. If you clean your child’s room, he will insist it now feels ‘too big’.
16. If you make your child’s bed, he will insist on sleeping on the ground.
17. If you wash your child’s favorite stuffed animal or blanket, he will have a meltdown because it doesn’t smell right.
18. If you make a special holiday dinner, your child won’t come downstairs because of the smell.
19. If you hire a babysitter, your child will start to throw up the moment you’re wearing heels.
20. If you buy anything with High Fructose Corn Syrup, fake dye, or allergens of any sort, your child will find it – and eat ALL OF IT.