The Poop on Interoception

Guest post by Patty Porch of Pancakes Gone Awry

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Mention the topic of potty training and I am liable to break out in a cold sweat. Nausea has been known to strike, and I sometimes feel panic gripping me. The issue of potty training has been known to reduce me to tears dozens of times.

In all my 7 and a half years of parenting, I can think of few other topics that make me feel quite as inadequate and helpless.

Neither of my oldest two children were particularly easy to potty train, and neither of them were trained at a very young age. But Danny, Danny was a spectacularly challenging case, one which we are still working on, even now as he nears his 8th birthday.

When Danny was a toddler, I decided to wait a while before training him. His speech was quite delayed and I didn’t know how I could train a kid who couldn’t express his need to go. So, I waited. After all, I had plenty of other things to keep me occupied, what with his speech and occupational therapy, working out a sensory diet and trying to minimize his sensory meltdowns.

I had my hands full.

When we did finally begin the potty training process, I tried many different tactics: rewards, sticker charts, picture schedules, begging and pleading and lots of prayers. One day, I even promised Danny to buy him a car if he went on the toilet. And when I say “car,” I wasn’t talking about a Hot Wheels toy. At that moment, if my son had used the toilet, I would have gone out and bought him a real car. That was how desperate I had gotten.

I read every website and magazine article I could get my hands on. I even listened to the advice of friends and strangers alike, though much of it I didn’t follow, since many people seemed to think this was merely a behavior problem.

If there was one thing I was certain of, it was that Danny wasn’t doing any of this on purpose. I could tell that he was trying his hardest to succeed, but just couldn’t seem to figure the whole process out.

I became frantic, worried that my son would never use the toilet on a regular basis. Once he passed his third birthday and still showed little improvement, I began to panic. Danny finally got the hang of peeing on the toilet just after his 4th birthday, but the pooping took a few more years.

In fact, I cannot say with any degree of confidence that our poop troubles are over. Every time I think we’ve nailed it, he has an accident, sending me back into the pit of despair. And lest you think I over exaggerate, let me assure you, this journey has been a nightmare, one filled with enemas, diaper rashes when my son was no longer even wearing diapers, feeding therapy appointments, hundreds of loads of whites I had to bleach in order to eliminate poop, and many, many, many discarded pairs of boys’ underwear because I couldn’t face washing the more disgustingly soiled pairs.

It didn't help that when researching potty training older children, I pulled up article after article about kids who were 3 or 4. Danny was 5, and then 6, and was still having accidents on a very regular basis. Every time we seemed to gain some ground, something would set us back and there would be more soiled underwear. I felt like the biggest failure in the world. Danny, too, was discouraged and annoyed. Every time he had an accident, he would say to me, “Mommy, I didn’t feel it. I didn’t feel it!”

Which is when I decided that Danny must not be able to feel the urge to void his bowels the same way the rest of us do. It made sense to me that this would somehow be linked to his SPD. After all, if his nervous system misreads other sensory input, why not this? Still, I wasn’t sure if that what was going on or if there was some other culprit.

Was it his diet? Could it be that with all my pleading, I somehow traumatized the kid and have damaged his ability to poop? Was there something physically wrong with him?

And on my darkest days, I wondered, was it possibly a discipline issue? Had I just convinced myself that it was SPD, when in reality it was some parenting defect on my part?

I had no idea.

So, it's no wonder I was relieved when I first heard the term Interoception a few months back. Interoception is the 8th sense (the other 7 are sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell, proprioception and vestibular) which governs our internal regulation. It is the interoceptive sense that tells us when we are hungry,thirsty or when we feel sick.

And it is the sense that helps us know when we need to use the bathroom.

According to Michelle Morris, author of The SPD Companion, Issue #016-- SPD And Potty Training: "If an SPD child literally cannot feel sensations from his bowel and/or bladder, or the sensory receptors of this interoceptive sense are not picking up or interpreting messages properly (over or under responsive), the child will not know when/if they have to go the bathroom, or how to effectively control their bowel/bladder muscles for elimination. Their bodies truly do not give them the proper input or signals necessary for effective potty training. It is the same general concept that underlies SPD... the sensory input, neurological organization, or sensory motor output are inefficient."

If only I had heard about the interoceptive sense a few years ago, I think it may have spared me the overwhelming and disheartening feelings of failure that I have experienced. Because it turns out, I was right. Danny doesn't feel the urge to poop the same way we do. And it has nothing to do with discipline or parenting mistakes.

This is where I should offer advice and share what worked for potty training Danny. I so wish I could, but I have nothing to give you. Each kid is vastly different from one another, and frankly, we have yet to experience a true success in this area; we are still struggling with this issue in my home. But, at least now I know unequivocally that it is not a behavior problem for Danny.

So I have nothing to give you except for the assurance that if you are experiencing potty training problems it is not your fault!

It's really not, no matter how much you may feel like it is. You are NOT a failure.

And it's not your kid's fault either, though I know sometimes it may be tempting to blame him. This journey may be long and difficult and rather messy, and it will most assuredly be frustrating at times, so please try to go easy on yourself.

Find a peaceful spot, grab some decadent treat, relax, take a deep breath and repeat after me: IT IS NOT MY FAULT!

And maybe make your husband wash the whites this week.

There, don't you feel better already?