FTF: Sick and Tired by Amy Sheridan

Here is September's First Things First article, which was written by Amy Sheridan who is the mom to a son with Asperger's and blogs at Asperger Ninja.

For more information about First Things First click here. There is also a list of the previous First Things First articles under the "Interviews, Guest Posts & FTF" tab at the top -- with the obvious title of "First Things First Articles".


Sick and Tired, How a Single Mother of a Special Needs Child Deals with Sudden Illness

As parents, we always worry if our children get sick. That’s part of our job. We are

prepared before they are even born, having been told countless stories by our parents, friends who have children and sometimes, complete strangers who are more than happy to spin the tales of their children’s maladies.

But, no one ever truly prepares you for the time when YOU get sick. There is no chapter in the Parents Handbook that tells you how to prevent or be ready for the time that you need to be taken care of. That’s usually not an option. Moms, Dads and caregivers are certainly known for working when they are under the weather, but there may come a time when you have to actually go to the hospital. In most of these incidents, the other parent will take care of the child (or children) while the other parent is ill. But what if you don’t have that choice?

I’m a single mother of my son, Nathan, who has Asperger’s. When I was married, and a trip to the ER was necessary, my husband did the honors and took care of our child while I convalesced. I had been lucky for the past few years, not having any major illnesses that would put me down for the count. This one, however, came quite out of nowhere.

It was July 2009. I was working for the ARC in their summer camp that year. I remember getting into a minor fender bender on July 12th, which was a Sunday. I am a very good driver, so this really threw me for a loop. I recall feeling a little fuzzy in the head before the accident, so I wondered if maybe I was tired.

The next week, on Wednesday, I started getting some lower GI problems. It was hot that summer, and our rooms at the camp had no air conditioning, so this did not surprise me. I am sensitive to high temperatures, so my body normally reacts this way. I knew to keep hydrated and not to worry if I was not eating.

By Saturday, my symptoms had increased significantly. I was eating next to nothing. I tried to keep as much water in my system, but it wouldn’t stay in. My skin started to tighten around my hands and my feet, a sure sign of dehydration. I checked my temperature, but I showed no signs of fever, which would indicate infection. I couldn’t sleep at night, as I was making almost hourly trips to the bathroom. Monday rolled around and I was barely conscious at camp. It was a really hot day, and I was in the lunchroom, almost to the point of fainting. I truly wanted to let my body go and pass out, but our kids had autism, ADHD and bipolar disorder and I thought it probably wasn’t a good idea for them to experience me in that state.

My co counselor said, “Amy, you look awful.” I said, “Yeah, I feel pretty awful.” He said, “You should go to the hospital.” I knew I was very close to that point, but then it hit me. Who would take care of Nathan? Who would get him? Who would be able to explain to him what happened without him getting upset? That thought was too much trauma for me to handle, so I asked my co counselor to get me a popsicle from the kitchen. I promised if I didn’t perk up after eating two popsicles that I would go to the hospital, secretly hoping that I wouldn’t have to go.

I rallied enough to make it through that day and to go to work on Tuesday, the 21st. I still was feeling lousy, but had a lot more energy than I had, which I took as a sign that maybe I was finally past this illness. Later that night, around 11 P M, I was woken up from a sound sleep by the most intense abdominal pain I had ever experienced. It felt like someone had taken a knife and had split my stomach open and the contents were burning my insides. I was terrified. I went through my mental list of people I could call. Nathan’s father was over 70 miles away, as was his grandfather and grandmother. Both of my sisters were quite far from where we live. I thought of my best friend, J.T., who only lived 10 miles away. I was worried that I would wake him up, but I was also starting to panic, as I needed to know someone was going to take care of Nathan.

I called 911, trying not to cry while I was talking to them. I then called J.T., who told me it was very okay to call him at 11:45 pm with an emergency. He said that he would meet us at the hospital in 30 minutes. I can’t even describe how much relief that gave me, knowing that Nathan would be with some one he knew and felt comfortable with.

The ambulance arrived and they were so wonderful with the both of us. Nathan was so brave, as he held my hand as I was wincing in pain. I kept my face as calm as possible, so that he didn’t know how much distress I was truly having. 10 minutes after we arrived, J.T. showed up and I just started weeping. Tears fell down my face as he hugged me and said, “Its okay, Amy. I’m here.”

I discovered that I had been exposed to fresh water bacteria, which my doctor proudly announced that he had never heard of it and had to Google it to find out it was. I took two days to recuperate, which I was in and out of feeling tired and nauseous. They gave me Ciprofloxacin, a strong antibiotic. One of the side effects of the Cipro is sensitivity to the sun. I spent two weeks sympathizing with vampires, as I felt like my flesh was burning off each time I went out into sunlight.

This experience was one I definitely do not want to have happen in the future. I think if I had been a bit more proactive and had gone to my doctor earlier, even without signs of infection, he would have treated me and I wouldn’t have had to go to the ER. I think as parents we neglect ourselves and focus all of our energies on our children, which is very common. However, if we do not take care of ourselves, we are not the only ones we put in jeopardy. Special needs parents truly have to go above and beyond what is necessary to ensure their good health and well being. Since then, I have made sure that I have more than one person I can call if there is an emergency. I have also taken better care of myself, so that I will minimize the possibility of a repeat performance. I learned my lesson in the hardest way, but have taken steps to ensure that I will be more prepared if it ever (hopefully not!) happens again.


Anonymous said...

This post is so important - so many of us have backup plans for everyone but ourselves. And who will take care of everyone if we don't take care of us? Thanks Amy for the great reminder to create a safety net for me as well as for my whole family.

Patty O. said...

Thanks for sharing your story. I like what you said about how we actually need to be even more vigilant with regards to our well-being so we are healthy enough to care for our kids. I think this applies both to physical and mental health. You also raise a really good point: it is ok to ask for help! Thanks for the reminder to take care of myself!

Tammy said...


I'm having problems e-mailing you (my problem, not yours!) but I have a blog and my son was recently diagnosed with SPD. I'm just in the early stages but I wouldn't mind having people read my blog. Maybe I'll get lucky and the old timers will have some good feedback for me!

My blog is at http://kaleymeister.blogspot.com/



Anonymous said...

@Alysia: You are awesome. Thanks so much for commenting, as always. :)

Anonymous said...

@Patty: It is VERY okay to take care of yourselves and we must remember to give our selves permission to do so. :)
Thanks so much for the comment!

Anonymous said...

@Tammy: You can ping me at my blog name at gmail dot com. Happy to have you email me at anytime.

I'll be sure to check out your blog and know that you are among a wonderful and supportive group of friends. :)