Changes in Attitude

I have a friend that is struggling right now.  Struggling like we all do from time to time.  A crisis of life -- of where we are going, of why we are on the path we are on, of how to find balance.  It is a deep thing to deal with. 

That said, I also find that as special needs parents these types of personal struggles are usually a sign of growth.  Personal growth that says, "Wait.  What about me?  Is this the way I want my life to go?"  And sometimes, we need to hit 'refresh' on our brains. 

Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, it is our perspectives that need changing more than our lives.  It is one of those "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater" things.  Don't decide you need a new job, or a new husband, or a new house -- when what you might need is less of a physical change and more of a mental one.

And I thought, why not share that with all of my 'friends'?  Who knows what you all are going through -- but someone might just need this advice right now.

So, here is the letter (modified slightly) that I wrote one of my best girlfriends -- one that has special kiddos just like us. 

__________________

Unsolicited advice – because I care.

Here is what works for me when I am feeling like things are out of control, disproportionate or that my marriage is bound to buckle under our current stress:

Tribute to My Grandmother

In honor of Mother's Day, I am going to post this tribute I wrote many years ago about my grandmother, my mother's mother, a woman who died when my mother was 11, but who's spirit lives on inside her and me -- and if I am really lucky, my children too.

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Ellinwood Kansas was the heart of the heartland. You could stand on my grandmother’s porch and see miles of wheat fields rolling over gently sloping hills. Ellinwood is as small as it gets; no one locks their doors, they leave their keys in their cars and you will see children playing outside long after dark. When I visited Ellinwood in the summers of my childhood, I was in awe of their Harvest Festival and amazed by the number of people who stopped me in the street to ask me if I was a “Herter”. Generations of my family grew up in that small town, and still live there today, but it was the one woman from Ellinwood that I never met who's memory inspires my advocacy even today.