SPD Blog Carnival -- Sensational Siblings

It is that time again! Please join the SPD Blog Carnival by posting your link below -- our theme for September is "Sensational Siblings".

Let us know about your 'other' kid(s)!  How do they handle having a sibling with challenges?  Have you found a great way to include them, teach them, bond with them?  How do they connect with their siblings?  Did they do something AWESOME and you just want to brag?  Let us know!  If your child is an only child, please feel free to blog about sibling issues in a different way -- write about a sibling book, or a SibShops class near you, or about your choice to only have one child and how it was influenced by your child’s needs, BE CREATIVE!

This is an amazing way to take the best of the best from the SPD Blogging Community every month, and publish it in one location -- kind of like having a monthly 'magazine' that people can come to and read. Everyone of you that reads this (even you lurkers!) can participate -- you DO NOT have to be part of the SPD Blogger Network to participate in the carnival. (But, if you blog about SPD, please consider joining because we would love to have you!)

I also encourage you to check out the other links posted here -- explore other blogs and learn more about what the SPD journey is like for families all over -- we have many new SPDBN members to learn from!

If you have any questions, feel free to email me.

Please share this post on your Facebook and on Twitter -- and any where else you can reach more SPD parents!

Now link up!
H

Siblings, Seahawks and The Schneiders

Wondering about the title? 

Well, this story really starts about three weeks ago. So let's start there.

My husband Jeff’s birthday was coming, on August 25th, and I knew the one thing he wanted:  Football Tickets. And not just any ticket – no – he wanted to see the Kansas City Chiefs when they came to play at Quest Field against the Seattle Seahawks for the first time in nearly a decade. And by ‘tickets’ I mean tickets close enough to the field that Jeff can yell at the players and feel truly involved in the game. Last time we went, long before kids, he was yelling at the Chief's bench (I am sure they loved him for this…) and as a player named Snoop Minnis came off the field, Jeff yelled, “HEY SNOOP! You’re under-rated in Madden!” Which apparently Snoop appreciated and agreed with, because Jeff got a giant grin and a wave from him. Making every penny we’d spent on the tickets, well worth it.

Yes, these kind of tickets aren’t cheap. Nope. Not cheap. Close to $200 a piece. Which means, this is not a family event. It is a Mommy-Daddy event.

Which broke Nick’s heart.

You see, Nick loves football. LOVES football the way little boys love their dad. And since this little boy has a dad that loves football they spend their Sundays perched in front of the TV AND on the football field where Jeff has coached Nick’s flag football team for the last 4 seasons. Nick knows Jeff loves football – and it is something they have always shared. So, naturally, this little boy wanted to share that game with his dad. And he couldn’t.

Which broke Jeff’s heart. And mine.

But the reality is that we don’t always get what we want. I don’t have $1000 to spend just for tickets to take all of my kids to a professional football game. Plain and simple. Add to that Gabriel and Matt would NOT FOR THE LIFE OF THEM be able to sit through that much chaos and noise, let alone sustain interest in the actual game, it didn’t make sense to buy tickets for the kids. We talked about just buying Nick one, but really felt like we couldn’t justify taking JUST Nick to a game. Gabe would have his feelings hurt. Matt probably wouldn’t care, but Gabe, he would know.

That’s So Cliché! -- Guest post by Alysia

That’s So Cliché!
Guest Post by Alysia special needs mom and blogger at Try Defying Gravity


When Hartley told me she was looking for a guest post about siblings, I knew this was right up my alley. I have three boys: Gerry is eight, Howie is four and Lewis is almost two. Howie has sensory processing disorder and autism spectrum disorder. I deal with sibling issues 24/7 and sometimes it feels like we are constantly walking on eggshells as we try to figure out how to best interact as a family unit.

I have learned quite a bit from teachers, doctors and occupational therapists about how to approach our son’s issues and help his brothers better understand how he interprets the world around him. Recently I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how to best share our experiences. For some reason, I keep coming back to the word “cliché”. Clearly, there’s nothing cliché or stereotypical about our kids with SPD – in fact, the only predictable thing about the disorder is that it is so unpredictable. Every kid with SPD is different. And every family dealing with children with SPD is different.

In spite of all this, I thought it would be an interesting to take some common clichés and expressions and see how it applies to siblings of kids with SPD. I’m no expert, but this is what has worked so far for our family:

1) Nip it in the bud. A few months after my son’s autism diagnosis, the whole family was playing in the front yard. My husband was kicking a ball to Howie and I was chasing the baby around. My oldest was sitting quietly, looking sad. When I asked him what was wrong, he said “I bet no one would notice if I ran away into the woods and never came back. I wish I lived in a different family.” Gulp. It was clear that in our attempt to jump in feet first to help Howie we had neglected to think about how it was affecting our oldest son. It took this moment for him to feel so left out that he was finally able to tell us. It was heartbreaking.

Changes in Attitude

I have a friend that is struggling right now.  Struggling like we all do from time to time.  A crisis of life -- of where we are going, of why we are on the path we are on, of how to find balance.  It is a deep thing to deal with. 

That said, I also find that as special needs parents these types of personal struggles are usually a sign of growth.  Personal growth that says, "Wait.  What about me?  Is this the way I want my life to go?"  And sometimes, we need to hit 'refresh' on our brains. 

Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, it is our perspectives that need changing more than our lives.  It is one of those "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater" things.  Don't decide you need a new job, or a new husband, or a new house -- when what you might need is less of a physical change and more of a mental one.

And I thought, why not share that with all of my 'friends'?  Who knows what you all are going through -- but someone might just need this advice right now.

So, here is the letter (modified slightly) that I wrote one of my best girlfriends -- one that has special kiddos just like us. 

__________________

Unsolicited advice – because I care.

Here is what works for me when I am feeling like things are out of control, disproportionate or that my marriage is bound to buckle under our current stress:

School and Summer Planning

As this school year is ending for all three of my kids, it means I have to do a lot of planning on my part – planning for next year, planning for summer – and as it turns out, I don’t have a crystal ball, so it is proving to be a little challenging. Just a little.  But, I do have a plan.  Don't you always have a plan?  That is SO part of being the mom, huh?

Since I have all of this on my mind, what I am doing, what I am planning, I thought I would share with you all -- because I have a suspicion that you are doing the same thing!  Let me break it down for you:

Matthew (Preschool)

Matthew finishes his first year of developmental preschool (technically half a year since he started in December), and any fears I had last fall about him progressing past his IEP and being kicked out of Developmental Preschool have been squished. Matt is not neurotypical. He is definitely marching to the beat of his own drum, and I suspect more and more that he has Aspergers, which I may look into having diagnosed this summer.