Changes in Attitude

I have a friend that is struggling right now.  Struggling like we all do from time to time.  A crisis of life -- of where we are going, of why we are on the path we are on, of how to find balance.  It is a deep thing to deal with. 

That said, I also find that as special needs parents these types of personal struggles are usually a sign of growth.  Personal growth that says, "Wait.  What about me?  Is this the way I want my life to go?"  And sometimes, we need to hit 'refresh' on our brains. 

Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, it is our perspectives that need changing more than our lives.  It is one of those "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater" things.  Don't decide you need a new job, or a new husband, or a new house -- when what you might need is less of a physical change and more of a mental one.

And I thought, why not share that with all of my 'friends'?  Who knows what you all are going through -- but someone might just need this advice right now.

So, here is the letter (modified slightly) that I wrote one of my best girlfriends -- one that has special kiddos just like us. 

__________________

Unsolicited advice – because I care.

Here is what works for me when I am feeling like things are out of control, disproportionate or that my marriage is bound to buckle under our current stress:

FTF "All Showers Lead to Australia" by Hartley Steiner

Here is May's First Things First article, which was written by me. : )  For more information about First Things First click here.  There is also a list of the previous First Things First articles under the "Favorite Posts Tab" at the top -- with the obvious title of "First Things First Articles". 

As always, please leave your comments below!

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“Do you want to go to Australia with me?” My husband asked casually while I stood at the stove cooking the taco meat for dinner the other night. Such a ridiculous question didn’t warrant an actual verbal response, so I just looked at him out of the corner of my eye and gave a sarcastic smirk. He smiled, and said, “I am being serious. If you and I both start working on it now, we could find someone to take care of the kids for a few days and you could come with me to Australia in June.” He really was serious. And you know what, I wanted to go.

It isn’t going to surprise anyone to find out that spending a week away from our kids is something that we have NEVER done – heck we haven’t even made it 48 hours away from our kids in the last seven years. SEVEN YEARS.

Normally when I get asked by friends or relatives about traveling for an extended period of time, I always say my dream is to ‘be away from my kids long enough to miss them.” And it is true. The kind of stress I am under every single day as a special needs parent is not the kind that dissolves with a 20 minute shower. Not even close. And I spent years using that excuse to justify not spending any time taking care of myself.

But that changed about a year ago.

OH Canada!

There is nothing more healing than laughter. And if you are new to reading my blog you will be happy to know that my motto is, "If you can't laugh at my life, you have no sense of humor."

I figured it was only fitting that I use that as the direction for the recap of our Victoria trip.

3 boys, 2 parents, 2 grandparents, 4 days, 2 holidays, 1 hotel, 3 boats, and A LOT of fun.

We were supposed to take the Victoria Clipper -- a high speed shuttle from Seattle directly to Victoria. That is what our tickets were purchased for, and that is where we arrived at 7:00 in the morning Saturday.

The water was rocky, and the wind blew hard. We rushed the boys into the terminal, where Gabriel's autism allowed us the luxury of passing the lines and pre-boarding. But we weren't exactly early, so there were lines that had to quite literally be passed.

As we moved through crowds of people in the terminal, much like an airline terminal, my darling Matthew crashed into the butt of each and every adult waiting near him.

"Oh, sorry." I said, over and over again, grabbing Matthew by his down coat and jerking him from place to place and he giggled with delight. Afterall, it was morning, and he was low. It was my idea to bring him to a room full of strangers and assume that this time, he wouldn't crash into all of them. What was I thinking? Matt was happy, and self-regulating. Try explaining that on the fly to a group of strangers.